everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
