Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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