omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
