just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
