I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
