I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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