During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
this boner is exhausting
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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