im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
