Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
