just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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