please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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