I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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