What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
