your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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