Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Randomize
