did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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