he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
