saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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