we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My feet surprised me
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
