I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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