he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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