We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
