The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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