whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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