tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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