You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize