If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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