This is not my ceiling
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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