Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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