I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
