the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
