When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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