I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Less talking, more tequila
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
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I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
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Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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