How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
