I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
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