you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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