she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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