I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
