and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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