don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
