Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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