Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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