How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
