So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
