I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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