He had one of those small greek statue penises
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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