There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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