i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
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hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
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be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
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