I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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