she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
