so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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