she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
