It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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