You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
