I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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