So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
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