it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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