Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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