If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
