Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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