i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
