just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
