I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
