First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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