tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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