it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
