this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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