For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
