I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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