so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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