u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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