Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
