I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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