Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
