i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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