i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
