$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
