I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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