Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
